Published on September 27th, 2013 | by Graham10
Disclosure Gig Disrupted As Man Loses Testicles In Skinny Jeans Accident
The Liquidroom nightclub in Tokyo was the scene of a gruesome accident during a Disclosure show last weekend.
Local man, Shinji Kojimoto(19), was rushed to hospital with crushed testicles following what doctors have described as a “skinny jeans malfunction.”
Suki Kazuya, a friend of the victim spoke of the incident, “Shinji is such a huge Disclosure fan, he had been talking about the show for months.”
“When the day of the gig came about he was so excited. We were getting ready in his house when he realised his mum had put his favourite pair of skinny jeans in the wash. He was devastated so I suggested he put the jeans in the tumble dryer. If I hadn’t have said that he’d probably be OK, it’s all my stupid helpful fault,” he sobbed.
“The jeans shrank so much that he was hardly able to put them on,” he continued while wiping tears from his face. “We just about managed to get his button closed. He said they felt alright but I could tell by the constant rearranging of his crotch that something wasn’t right but we were so excited we just left and forgot all about the jeans.”
Disclosure band member, Howard Laurence, also spoke of the accident, “We’d been on stage about fifteen minutes, there was this guy right up the front dancing and jumping around like a lunatic, a real enthusiastic bloke.”
“Then halfway through White Noise he just collapsed on the ground screaming and holding his balls. It was really annoying because the crowd stopped watching us. We had to turn the music off until the ambulance came and took him away,” disclosed the disgruntled musician.
Dr. Kesuma Magotomo, of the Fujita Health University Hospital explained Mr. Kojimoto’s injuries, “Last night we received a patient with severely damaged testicles. The man had been attending a music concert while wearing an extremely tight pair of jeans. It’s the worst skinny jeans malfunction I’ve ever seen and we get a lot of them around here.”
“It appears that he became so excited during the performance that he had an erection. This, coupled with some extremely vigorous dancing, caused the testicles to be squashed beyond repair. We battled to save them but they were literally pulverized and a decisions was made to remove them,” he said regrettably.
Mr. Kojimoto, is in good spirits after undergoing testis prosthesis surgery and hearing the news that he is to meet his heroes, after the band announced they will visit him in hospital, “I always said I would give my left nut to meet Disclosure, I may have had to give them both but it will definitely be worth it,” he enthused.