Kim Jong-Un Announces North Korean Industrial Techno Manifesto

North Korean supreme leader, Kim Jong-un, spoke out recently about the current state of electronic music in America. The tyrant, a known techno lover, believes that EDM, the current watered down version of dance music which is flooding America, is making the next generation of Americans soft, which he believes will make them a easy target for what he has declared ‘The War To End All Wars’ in the immediate future.

Speaking at a military rally earlier this week Kim Jong-un said, “I see Americans now, they are weak! They used to have gangster rap and real underground music, now all they have is filthy capitalist EDM. The future for them is bleak, we will make slaves of their children for centuries to come,” he scoffed off handedly.

To ensure that EDM does not gain any popularity in North Korea the supreme leader has published a ‘techno manifesto’ which outlines the introduction of a brand new military wing dedicated to the production of industrial techno. The responsibility of running the new operation goes to one of North Korea’s most decorated generals, Park Nam-buk.

The general spoke to a state controlled news agency earlier today, “It is with great pride that I carry out the great leader’s work! The foundation of this new military branch will help lead our mighty nation in its quest to conquer all of our allies. We will create a military industrial techno complex in this country that will ensure the future of our children for many years,” he asserted defiantly.

“We will have a highly skilled team of soldiers dedicated to making the hardest techno in the world. We will use only analogue equipment because our great leader believes digital sound will make us weak. Through this new sound we will grow stronger than our enemies could ever imagine and before long they will be bowing at the feet of our great leader,” he concluded.

Although information coming from North Korea is often unreliable, it is believed that Kim Jong-un has recruited techno stalwarts Surgeon and Perc to help kick start the production process.