Man Who Threw His Hands Up Too Early For A Drop Is Set To Sue Nightclub For ‘Emotional Distress’


wait for that drop

A local clubber who was left “embarrassed and ostracized” when he threw his hands up too early during an extended trance drop has decided to sue the club for emotional distress. Johnathan Entwhistle is taking legal action against the nightclub, which cannot be named for legal reasons.

Mr. Entwhistle has said in his statement, “It’s taken humanity centuries to formulate the four bar phrase, it’s tradition. But then this maverick comes along and starts dropping fifth bars like they were coming into fashion. I threw my arms up four beats before the kick in and shouted my approval as is standard but I was alone in this action and it has caused much hurt and distress to me and those around me.”

“I’m now afraid to express approval about anything for fear of jumping the gun again and looking like some amateurish clown,” continued Mr. Entwhistle. “Clapping, nodding appreciatively and congratulating people are now off limits. I tried to congratulate my wife on a blowjob well done last week, but I spoke too early and orgasmed just as she was pulling her face away. She’s now blind in one eye.”

Fellow clubbers reported on the initial premature fist pump claiming, “We were so embarrassed for him. He looked so smug and “in the know” when he fist pumped. But when the beat didn’t kick in he just looked like a bemused, out of place, fool,” recounted one clubber. “He’s a good looking guy but after seeing that I find the notion of sex with him laughably unlikely, and I have very low standards.”

The club itself was also quick to respond saying “We stand by our music policy. The DJ in question has been here for years and this is the first time something like this has ever happened. We blame the increase in looping technology.”

Mr Entwhislte’s lawyers responded by saying, “We’ll take this all the way to Native Instruments if we have to. You can’t just go against years of tradition and expect to get away with it. This isn’t just some tradition you can throw away as useless like Catholicism, or monogamy.”

The DJ himself stated, “The plan was to build that extra bit of tension, to whip the crowd into a frenzy, whereby they couldn’t wait for the beat to kick back in. Obviously, it worked.”

Mr. Entwhistle has sent a request to the High Court asking for the trial to be overseen by Judge Jules, “because he is the only person who straddles the worlds of law and EDM.”

However, when the High Court responded by saying that due to his lack of legal knowledge, they could not admit Judge Jules to the bar, Mr. Entwhistle took offence at the usage of the word ‘bar’ and is now suing the High Court for further emotional distress.


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Comments 38

  1. Wow, This guys life must be difficult. This sounds serious, worse than rape or murder one could even say. If this tool was the only one who threw his fragile hands up at the wrong moment then clearly he’s the dumbass. If anything, the nightclub should sue him for getting ahead of himself and ruining the overall effect.

  2. “I tried to congratulate my wife on a blowjob well done last week, but I spoke too early and orgasmed just as she was pulling her face away. She’s now blind in one eye.” Haha this article is brilliant!

  3. really? years of tradition. there are no rules in music. it is someones creativity. anyone sue picasso for his strange paintings. do older people sue apple for their iphones having too much confusing technology. how can native instruments ever be brought into this. they help by innovating how we mix and create music. my washing machine got some new handy functions that confuse me so i might as well sue them for helping us all out

  4. Have a read at the 4th paragraph down. A clubber remarked ”he looked an out of place fool” Sex with him is unlikely. I find this astounding that someone could judge a person in this manner. As for you ”Grant Brand”, you definitely seem to approve the clubbers fascist remark. Why favor the bully Grant? Why Favor the bully? I wouldn’t dream of saying such nasty things. It’s about time we stopped favoring the bully. Well done Johnathan. Well done.

  5. Wow. This guy that is suing is obviously retarded in some form. If he ever reads these comments (which I really hope he does) then I have one thing to say to you sir. You are a drop kick looking for excuses to make money of off bullshit claims of ’emotional distress’ when you fucking brought it on yourself for believing that there was a tradition of four bars to begin with. Holy shit dude get with the times. There have been tonnes of artists using different numbers of bars in their songs for ages. Maybe your parents set the BAR too high in your childhood, and seeing as you could not keep up with this BAR, you are obviously suffering from some sort of ‘I was never good enough’ issue and now you are trying to make yourself look all smart and prosper by doing this bullshit? Get a life dude and stop being such a prick.

    1. omg… instead of calling others retarded maybe you should research things like sarcasm, parody and satire… just shows how naive and gullible people can be…

  6. Anyone who is taking this seriously after reading the 3rd paragraph should probably sue their own parents for having children!! Hilariously written wit, I tip my hat to the author.

  7. Remember, pubs and clubs are for losers. Apologies to those who this does not apply to. If you are a loser the club is for you!

  8. “But then this maverick comes along and starts dropping fifth bars like they were coming into fashion.” That’s almost poetic.

    My favourite bit was reading all the comments from people who thought the article was serious…

  9. The comments make me sad. At first im anticipating a troll but then you realize that “nope they are 100% serious”. I’ve lost faith in humanity. GREAT article loved it

  10. For the ever-loving love of god, MAN the FUCK UP, you useless waste of legal time and resources.

    When I told my bosses I was bipolar and was subsequently sacked, there was sod all I could do about it legally. So screw you and your trivial bullshit. I honestly hope you get fined for wasting the court’s time.

    Yours Sincerely

    Fuck You

  11. THIS IS BRILLIANT! BRILLIANT JUST BRILLIANT, let’s see how many other people lack ways of describing this article. BRILLIANT!!! B-r-i-l-l-i-a-n-t

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Man Who Threw His Hands Up Too Early For A Drop Is Set To Sue Nightclub For ‘Emotional Distress’

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