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Drum N Bass DJ Only Knows 2 Genres “Drum N Bass & Anything That’s Not Drum N Bass”

A drum n bass DJ has admitted that he only knows two genres of music, drum n bass and anything that’s not drum n bass. Tommy Grainger, a.k.a. DJ Tommy G, a.k.a. The Tominator, a.k.a. Grainge Hill, a.k.a. Tom The Don, a.k.a. T&G, a.k.a. Tommy Nocker, a.k.a. Bass-in-Nova, a.k.a. The Bass Binman, a.k.a. Facemelter, a.k.a. Blow White & 7 Garries,

1 min read

October 2, 2019

Warm-Up DJ Who Lost Over 40 Gigs Since March 2020 Saves €3k

Local warm-up DJ Mark Watkins has lost over 40 gigs

1 min read

AI Can Now Translate Anything Fisher Says Into English

Fisher’s management team is celebrating today, following the news that

1 min read

32 UK DJs Found Hiding In Lorry Bound For France

A herd of migrant DJs fleeing the UK has been

1 min read

DJ To Start 4th Cable Drawer This Year

A local DJ has confirmed that he plans to start

1 min read

DJ Drinks 20 Beers Before Set – Blames Sound System For Shit Performance

A DJ who “smashed” twenty beers before a recent set has claimed

Psytrance DJ Considered Sellout After Getting First Paid Gig

A psytrance DJ has been labeled a “sellout” by a group of

MUSIC

Psytrance Fan Thinking Fyre Festival Actually Looked Pretty Good

A Welsh psytrance fan who recently watched the Fyre Festival documentary on Netflix is believed to be thinking the now infamous music festival actually

1 min read

January 25, 2019

Psytrance Fan Thinks Food On I’m A Celebrity Looks Delicious

A Psytrance fan has made it his life’s ambition to become famous enough to get onto I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here

1 min read

April 10, 2019

Moby Denies Skin Head Accusations

Former electronic music producer Moby has denied a recent report which claimed the animal rights activist was a skinhead. Despite being follically challenged and

1 min read

February 21, 2019

Tech House DJ Running Out Of Places To Get Shit Tattoos

A tech house DJ is said to be considering his options after revealing that he is very close to running out of space on

1 min read

April 10, 2019

HUMANS

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Chemical Brother’s “Hey Boy Hey Girl” Re-Released As “Hey They”

The Chemical Brother’s have revealed that they will be re-releasing their 1999 hit single Hey Boy Hey Girl as a gender neutral track, renamed

1 min read

April 1, 2025

“Best Nap I’ve Had In Years’ Says Conference Panel Attendee

Conference panel attendees live an average of 4.5 years longer than the rest of us, mostly due to all the additional sleep, claims the

1 min read

November 7, 2023

Tik-Tok Raver Disappears On A Massive 30-Second Bender

“We thought we would never see him again!” The family of popular TiK-Tok raver @technoprick is breathing a sigh of relief this afternoon. @technoprick

1 min read

November 6, 2023

Kink Adds Airfryer To Live Setup

Much-loved Bulgarian House & Techno act, Kink, has this weekend added a Bosch Air Fryer to his live setup. “I fucking love it!” said

2 mins read

July 2, 2023

culture

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Culture·Scene

Price Of Balloons Will Rise With Inflation, Warn Experts

The price of balloons is set to rise in line with inflation, say economists, balloon experts, and drug dealers. “Any balloon will rise with

May 1, 2023

by Mikey

Events

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Ibiza Club Surpasses Black Hole As the Most Densely Packed Place In The Universe

Clubs

November 8, 2023

An Ibizan nightclub has been hailed by physicists as the most densely packed place in the universe, overtaking black holes, Tiesto’s head, and the blessed Madonna’s knickers to claim the

Kethead Locked In Portaloo Since 2019 ‘Glad To Be Free’

Festivals·People Of The World

May 19, 2023

A lad who purchased what he is calling ‘a fairly decent sized bag of Ket’ has this morning stumbled out of the portaloo he has called home since 2019, asking

Plastic-Free Festival In Essex Sees Five Thousand Turned Away

Festivals

April 30, 2023

An eco-friendly festival in Essex has this morning announced bankruptcy having turned away all 5000 ticket holders last weekend, as plastic was prohibited from the festival grounds. The extremely large

AROUND THE WORLD

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As News Breaks Of His Womanising Ways, Matt Hancock Announces New DJ Alias

World

June 25, 2021

We may know him as cheeky chopped Matt Hancock, Secretary of Health and Social Care and most notably for the massive balls up he

Job Site Now Has ‘More DJs Than Beatport’

Online

February 18, 2021

Indeed.com is now the most-visited website for dance music professionals around the world, according to a herd of boring pollsters hidden in a basement

88% Of DJs Were Super-Spreaders Before Covid, Report Claims

Health & Fitness

February 17, 2021

Eighty-eight percent of touring DJs were classed as super-spreaders long before the term became known publicly, a leading Virologist has written in The New

Biden Appoints Sven Marquardt Head Of Security At Capitol Hill

World

January 10, 2021

President-Elect Joe Biden has announced Sven Marquardt will serve as Head Of Security at Capitol Hill following last week’s riots at the building. Sven,